My follow-up appts reflected all is normal … even the spot on my liver … as expected, a hemangioma. Another successful closed MRI.  Thank goodness, I can breathe again!

After having time to process the news of the NEW Mass on my liver, I am doing much better mentally.  I realized that I didn’t anticipate having something like this to deal with so soon.  I thought I would get a BREAK for a year or so.  But I guess that is not the case or meant to be.  My real worry came with my leave situation at work.  I am in the hole with sick leave.  My mind was all over the place thinking of what I may have to go thru in January 2007 & how much time I would need to be off again.  This is the reason I was so upset & down.  If the rest of the year goes as planned, I will be out of the hole with my leave in January.  I am hopeful to have 2007 to build my leave balances again.  But regardless of the outcome, everything will work out … it always does.

To handle everything, I am coping/dealing/thinking about things in COMPARTMENTS.  In other words, allowing myself a certain amount of time to THINK ABOUT the Issue, then “putting it away” and moving on to the next task.  This method has worked for me in the past year & I plan to continue doing it.  This is the only way I can cope right now.  And why I can only handle the current day/week at a time.  It’s too hard to think in the long term.

My follow-up appts reflected my counts were all good & within normal ranges.  My lungs are clear, etc … However, it was discovered I have a small mass on my liver that was not there 3 months ago.  The Dr wants to wait & see how it looks in January when I go again.  He is thinking it’s a hemangioma, like the other spots on my liver.  He said he is 95% sure.  He told me not to be SCARED, just Yet.  Easy for him to say.  I am trying to keep my spirits UP but it’s hard as I feel very burdened again.

I was not prepared for the reaction & affect my illness and absence has had on the people I would see every day.  Several people whom I consider “work acquaintances” had tears in their eyes as they talked with me.  I have received a lot of HUGS from all kinds of people.  The overall reaction was compassion for what I had experienced & genuine concern for how I am doing.  I was taken back by this & I’ll put it to you this way … when was the last time you hugged ANY Coworkers?  I guess it shows the “humanness” (if that’s a word) in everyone.  It was emotional at times for me.

And then there’s Gretchen.  A former employee of mine originally from North Carolina.  She came to my office & started talking.  All of a sudden, she started to CRY.  And I don’t mean a couple of tears.  I had to replenish her stock of tissues & tell her it was going to be OK.  She was apologetic for crying but expressed her LOVE & Concern over the hell I had been thru … these were her words.  I comforted her and she fussed about that too.  Needless to say, WE had a good CRY together as I couldn’t keep my composure once she let loose!

I made the decision to go “back to work” on Sept 20, 2006.  IT’S TIME.  I have had a hard time occupying my time & more specifically MY MIND.  I need to think of things other than the past year & my health.  It’s been a struggle to be on my own while my friends/family have all returned to PA.  I know it will be a challenge PHYSICALLY but that would be the case no matter WHEN I go back.  I will be telecommuting part of the time.